Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Stimulus Idea Explained

I got this from a co-worker, who in turn got it from his girlfriend. I’m not sure of the originator, and it is actually based on LAST YEAR’S plan, but thanks for it!

Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers. (EagleEye: True for THIS plan too)

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. No, they are borrowing it from China.  Your children are expected to repay the Chinese. (EagleEye: True for THIS plan too)

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A.  Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

-If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

-If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda

-If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.

-If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

-If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.

-If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India

-If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan

-If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.

And none of it will help the American economy. (EagleEye: True for most of THIS plan, too.)

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or  tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

The revolution is at hand. Will you be a leader or a follower?

1 comment:

  1. I think we need to pool our money and build US manufacturing plants that will then hire American workers who will buy American made products.

    Q. What would really solve the problem??

    A Rebuild the American manufacturing base.

    Q. But why don't we do that now??

    A. Because of high taxes our Government has placed on American businesses has driven manufacturing out of the US, meanwhile our Government benefits foreign companies.

    Q. Then, really, who is responsible for the loss of our American manufacturing base??

    A. Government