Friday, December 5, 2008

Christmas Trees

From the

So every year, at New York City's Rockefeller Center, the lighting of the Christmas tree takes place – a massive event that draws thousands of spectators, as well as a few annoying celebrities and the requisite tranny hooker.

But this time it`s different, because this giant weed will be lit with earth-friendly bulbs. That makes the tree truly "green," as opposed to, you know, just green.

This 72 foot tall, eight ton Norway spruce has gone "environmentally correct," eschewing normal light bulbs for 30,000 energy-efficient LED lights.

Now, this is the equivalent of Kirstie Alley ordering four Big Macs, and then washing it down with diet Coke.

It`s yet another example of how the green movement is a stupid joke – an ideology for idiots, where symbolism trumps substance - and feeling good is all that matters, even if that good feeling has no basis in reality.

Look, imagine what it takes to bring a tree the size of an apartment building from New Jersey, where the 77 year old spruce grew up. The tree requires a custom made telescoping trailer, as well as a huge crew to make sure the tree arrives in one piece. The damn thing is also sporting a 750-pound star made of 25,000 Swarovski crystals – roughly the size of Joy Behar`s housecoat.

Let`s be frank: if you really believe in being "green," then you wouldn`t have the tree lighting service to begin with. You`d declare it an "outrage," then replace it with a hand-holding ceremony and a pagan prayer recited by a naked Ed Begley, Jr.

And that`s the point of going green: anything that`s fun or memorable – like a Christmas tree - must be bad for the planet. And this is why all environmentalists are so boring, so lacking in joy and frankly, kinda smelly. But even more than that, being green is just an excuse for self-absorbed saps to talk about how green they truly are. It's their way to prove their superiority without requiring real achievement. Or a job.

Seriously - I'm actually pretty green - well, at least my toe fungus is – but you don`t see me bragging about it.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler!

[EagleEye: The revolution is at hand. Will you be a leader or a follower?]

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